Monday, June 1, 2009

Suddenly I remember...

why it is that I don't like dating. Or rather, dating-service-dating. And I've done a handful of different services over the last 10-15 years, so I'm pretty experienced. Dammit.
Now, I admit that in earlier years I really wasn't ready to date or even willing to give a fair chance to any would-be boyfriends. I just did it because that's what my friends and family felt I should have been doing. Getting out there and finding a husband, partner, whatever. But now I feel like I'm ready to take it on and keep an open mind. But it's tough. I know what I want and I'm getting really good at reading the lines on a profile--and what's in between the lines. And a picture really does say a thousand words. But it seems that the guys so far have been at arms length. Only a few are really raring to meet up. Most just send "winks" or tiny email messages that comment on what I said, but no plans for future conversations, in person or otherwise. Weird. Of the few that really wanted to meet, I'm not feeling the same towards them. (There are
only two, so I don't want to mislead you in thinking they're beating my door down.) I don't want to judge too quickly, but I also don't have a lot of time and don't want to waste it on someone that lives too far away or just doesn't appear to click with my interests. I mean, isn't that the advantage of using these services? So you don't date someone who doesn't share your interests, right?
Even weirder, there are more than a few guys that are writing me from FAR away. Like across the country. Even the UK!!! What's up with that? Do they have a private jet where they can hop in and fly to my front door? Are there no girls in their own zip code that make the grade? 'Cause in my opinion lots of those guys are pretty gorgeous, out-going, accomplished, etc, and I WISHED I lived closer to Kentucky or Illinois.
Oh well, the search goes on.
It sure is a time suck, though. Perusing profile after profile and writing back all the ones that wrote me (that I kinda wished hadn't). Always minding the ego, but being clear and friendly all at the same time. But actually it IS a huge compliment that I make SOMEONE'S idea of attractive. I know I just need to make a date with any one of the nice men who are interested and just see how it goes.
That's the next step. Little baby steps. It's been a looooong time since the last date I had.


Naomi said...

I went through this phase where I was...well, I wouldn't say obsessed...really into personal ads. I was young. Free dinners and drinks w/o any real commitment to see them again, woo hoo! Sounds bad, but, again, I was young. Anyway, I noticed men on free sites were like men with fishing nets trying to scoop up as many women as possible. Men on the paid sites, oddly, overly cautious...I don't know how to describe it. I had the best luck w/ newspaper ads. Intelligent men who actually read the paper on their commute to work. And while most men don't read actual nespapers anymore, I wouldn't want to be w/ someone who'd pick digital over the tactile joy of actual paper.

I started on facebook and am now talking to a man I dated way back in high school. Not a bad route to try out...

Good luck!

Care said...

I hear you. My E*H account is almost up, and I'm debating whether or not to continue. I started out with much more enthusiasm, and while I still want to find a partner, I have lost much of my desire to go at it this way (online.) Perhaps that is because while I started off with several people of interest, now I don't even get a second glance. I know this is partly my fault - I won't make the first contact. The biggest reason is because of my kids - so so many people don't give me a second look because I have three children. So I figure since I make sure to mention that in the profile, I know that anyone who contacts me is at least okay on some level with it.