Friday, February 26, 2010

Coming Up For Air

Oh my gosh. I have been naked all week with a cute German engineer chasing me, nonstop. Sorry for the delay in writing the date details....I just haven't had the chance to sit at a computer!

Ha! Juuuuuuust kidding.

I had to come up with a juicy excuse for my tardy update!

So, we met at a coffee house. He was waiting there as I drove up. I walk up and suddenly am standing too close. It was awkward. I passed the space where a hand shake was expected and entered the zone where hugs start to happen. So, I hugged him. But not really sure I should have.
We walk in and he starts bumping into my arm/elbow in a "we're so familiar, we stand this close" sort of way.
We both order Chai, his treat. Then we sit down.
His body language is all good: He's leaning into me across the table, always smiling and we never had a shortage of stories to tell. And we didn't focus on old relationships either. Mostly stories of travel. He freely and often admitted to information he had on me that he found on the Internet. I was continually surprised that he knew so much.
Note to self: Internet is helpful but quite dangerous on some levels.
I also knew tidbits about him (from my earlier Googling) but didn't let on that I knew anything. Isn't that the way you're supposed to do it?
I appreciated his candor and truthfulness though.
Sometimes it did get kind of icky.
He knew what I did for living, and heck, I talk about stuff most people would NEVER discuss at the mere suggestion of bodily functions of dysfunctions.
He gingerly brought up potentially taboo subjects with permission and, of course I said it was OK to discuss. But after a while, it just felt icky. After all, this IS a first date. So I kind of ended that kind of talk with, "Well, maybe there's a good reason for a certain etiquette with first dates." And it stopped. Sort of.
He was telling me a story of going through a rescue scuba diving course he took. He had to pull a woman (fellow student) out of the ocean, lay her on the beach and then perform CPR. Then he looked at me and said, "I'd love to do mouth-to-mouth with you."
Did you just say what I thought I heard you say?
Ewww. Please don't say stuff like that.
I kind of shrugged it off. Perhaps that's what German guys are like. Maybe he doesn't know the subtleties of dating in the US. There were a couple more instances where it suddenly felt out of bounds, sexually. Part of me was like,
"Well, he likes me!" and the other part was saying, "He's just saying that because he wants my clothes off. Now." Maybe I AM pretty. I don't think so.
I don't generally take compliments well. How could he be so IN to me so quickly?? It must be about sex. (the conversation in my head never stops...)
After about 1.5 hours of mostly excellent chatting, we decided we needed to go.
He was going to buy more fish for his tank. He needs A LOT.
I'd assumed that first day I saw him in Pet Smart that he was the owner of a lovely LARGE aquarium and loved his little fishies the way I've come to.
But no.
He has just one fish.
A Piranha. A big Piranha.
It's illegal to have them in our state. He bought it (along with 4 others that had died) while in Kansas.
Now, that puts another dimension to this guy. And not the direction I was hoping it would go. Maybe he's a bit of a bad boy. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Don't more women like a bit of "bad boy"? Do I?
Maybe. But not like this.
He said, if he gets too big and costly to keep alive (it eats a LOT of gold fish or what ever he puts in the tank), he'll just eat him.
Maybe he was just kidding.
I'm not sure what to think of that.
He has to go around to different fish tank stores so no one gets suspicious. He tells them he has a turtle that eats them (they're legal).

Anyway....we get to the car and then he's getting closer...and closer.
Yep. We kiss.
And kiss. And kiss.
And I'm feeling nothing. He seems all "into it" and I've got nothin'. But I follow his lead. After a short while, I'm done. I break it off and nicely say, "I've gotta go."
I called him from my cell right then so he'd have my phone number. That way I didn't have to call him later and potentially have MORE conversation.
I was done. I wanted to get away.
I liked him. He's very easy on the eyes. But it was too much suddenly.
I really hoped he was NOT going to call or write me soon.
He travels for work a lot. He'd be gone all week and then a few days home before off to Florida. He even invited me to go with him to India in April.
Thanks, but no. 20 hours on a plane for a 4-5 day trip doesn't sound like fun. But it was sweet to ask me, just the same.
He seemed very jazzed that we might be great travel partners. Me too, but I do have a son that will be coming along. I'm not a singular package and neither is he (I'd think....)

He was married for 12 years and now divorced for almost 2 years (by my calculations on when he bought his house--found that on the Internet too, purchase price, picture and all. Sheesh. Dating these days is a whole new ball game.) He has 3 kids, ages 13, 8 and 3.
He should be quite busy with all that he has to do outside of work, in addition to all the time he puts in at work. Add to that all the driving around to feed that hungry fish and I don't know where he gets time to date.
Oh yeah, and he swims every lunch time in his training for a Navy SEAL race that involves swimming, pull ups, sit ups, squats, whatever....etc.
And still, he has found time to spend with me.

He wrote an email 3 days after our date and said he'd been thinking about me all weekend, had a great time and wants to see me again.
I wrote back the next day and said sort of the same think back.
He's just back in town again, no doubt catching up with life and going for more food for Mr. P and wrote that he'd love to have another coffee this weekend.

I don't know why I am having reservations. I think it's just the left over ickyness from some of our time together, the hands-y kissing at the end and his exuberant, enthusiastic, almost (but not quite) too much interest in me. It feels like it might just turn into a physical thing.

We'll have to see. I'll go out for coffee again, and I'll see how things feel then.

Also, not a word from Mark. I wrote him a while back and then yesterday phoned and left a message. I'd really like to visit with him and see if there are any sparks still there.

I like this. It's something new. I might just get a love life after all.

Friday, February 19, 2010


I've got a date tonight!

Here's the scoop.
3 weeks ago, I was in Pet Smart buying my pet frog (an African Dwarf--so cute!) and while I was there, there was a nice looking gentleman buying a BUNCH of goldfish and some little white fish that he wanted to breed with some black ones in the hopes of making a sort of zebra looking fish.
We both got in the check out line at the same time. After a little small talk, we got separated by a few minutes and when I went out into the parking lot he was gone. So I went back inside the store and talked with the girls that worked there. I said, "Hey, I know this is not in your job description, but I thought that guy was kinda cute. If he ever comes back here, could you give him my card?" They said he'd never been in before, but sure, they would do it.
It was a shot in the dark, but there was no other way I'd get to see him again.
3 weeks later, I get a message from my advice nurses that there's a guy calling--a personal call, for me. I just shrugged and said, "I have no idea..."
She went back and asked for more information and he told her we met at Pet Smart.
Oh! THAT guy! He's calling??
Wow. OK.

So, of course I googled his name first. LOL.
Found out he's an engineer, schooled in Munich, Germany, ran a few races, including a marathon in 2001 (wicked fast with a time of 3:15!), was 40 years old in 2001--makes him around 49 or 50 years old now.

All good news.

I called him back at lunch time and we chatted for a while. He also googled ME (and admitted to it!) and found me on several sites, including Fac*Book. He didn't have a FB page yet, but created one and then ask to friend me. Now, THATs letting your enthusiasm show!
And if he read everything on the Internet that he could, he'd also found out how I created my little family--and that I even have a family.
Seems like he's not put off yet.
All good, so far.

So I'm meeting him a local coffee house and we'll see what happens.

I don't even have any "date" clothes. Good thing I don't have time to think about this much--just going straight from work.

And I'm going to buy a box of chocolates for those Pet Smart girls!

To be continued......

Thursday, February 4, 2010

An Awesome Offer

A few days ago I was presented with an amazing offer.

A friend of mine asked me if there would be a "market" for her left over embryos. She has 5 on ice and is currently 30 weeks pregnant with triplets.

Lordy! As you might guess, she is DONE with procreating and is thinking of what to do with her healthy strapping young blastocysts now.

The other interesting point of this story is that this woman also used the same sperm donor that I had to create my family--and that was a huge draw for me.

I've been offered embryos before...heck, hasn't everybody??
But after a short pause, I always decline. I like my life the way it is--even if T has asked more than once for a brother or sister to live with us. (I had tried when T was 14 months old to conceive with the left over embryos I had, but it didn't work.) I seriously thought about adopting last year. But never took any real steps toward that process. I think I'm just too content. I also think that expanding my family is mostly for other people (T, mainly) and if it were up to me, given the same situation of being the sole parent, I'd rather not change things or rock my boat with such a great unknown.

But the same donor?? Gosh. I had to put my thinking cap on for that one. Actually, her wording left the question open for speculation on what she really might have meant. But I wanted to flatter myself that I might be young enough to consider having another baby. It's exciting!

It came down to three things:

1. I'm old(er). Even though there are women out there my age that carry pregnancies without a hiccup (donor eggs, no doubt!). But this gets riskier as we age (see how I included you all with me??) Is this a risk I'm ready to take, being the sole parent in my little family?

2. The disparity in the new baby's age and my son's age. They would be 7 years apart and wouldn't be on the same level for many things. My mom is a middle child with one sister 5 years older and one sister 7 years younger. She didn't have much of a connection growing up with them (although she is emotionally very close to her younger sister now). And he has many half sibs dotted around the States--he can connect with them later, if he chooses.

3. My mother is my usual default babysitter and she's growing older too. She'd love to help care for any baby I had, but realistically she can't do what she'd like due to arthritis. I could hire help, but it would frustrate her that someone else had to be hired because she was unable to help. Family dynamics--it's convoluted.

Plus, who knows how things might change between my friend and I, once I had a full sibling in my house to the 3 babes in her home (she lives thousands of miles away). Too many variables and potential problems.

Anyway, I decided that it was a risk I wasn't willing to take.

I asked for clarification to her "offer" and she said I was top on her list! Isn't that sweet??! That made my heart swell.

But I think she was steering more towards research applications or stem cell line creation needs.

I will advise her to keep her little ones frozen for a few years. Once her babies are born and thriving for the next few years, THEN she can consider releasing them to a worthy cause. I'm not trying to sound pessimistic that something bad might happen, but, you know...shit does happen. I always like having a back-up plan.
Gosh, I feel lucky that I even got to contemplate an offer like that.