Time for a new computer...etcetera

It's been a while since my last post (sounds like the beginning of confession, lol. And I'm not Catholic. lol).
First my printer gave up.
Then my computer wouldn't turn on, or rather stay on for more than a few seconds. Occasionally I can get it to work, but these "episodes" have become more frequent. I called my computer guru (everyone should have one!) and he said it sounds like the power source inside my computer. It's an old computer--seven or eight years now, so it's probably time to get another one anyway.
Now I have to do a bunch of research on which computer is best for me. I've started to consider a Mac vs another PC. Mainly because I've heard it's really easy to upload and edit videos on a Mac. But my guru clearly recommends another PC. We'll see. And since I need a printer too, I want to get an "all in one" printer, fax, scanner. Space is a consideration since I don't have much space on my desk, the way it's configured. Hopefully it will all look pretty once it's set up. :)

Easter breakfast at my parent's

T with his Easter egg hunt goodiesAs for updates~
Easter: We pretended Easter breakfast was on Saturday so T and I could attend my mom's special Easter breakfast and have an egg hunt in the backyard. T was the only seeker that day, but he had fun. And mom got to provide yet another Easter basket breakfast with lots of goodies and a little surprise for T: A mancala game. Then T and I went to a birthday party for 3 girls turning 6 years old. It was a "grand ball" theme and the kids were encouraged to dress up as princes and princesses. There were a LOT of beautiful princesses!! And the boys got into it to. T had a burgundy towel pinned around his neck, a regal looking necklace and, of course, a crown. Didn't last long but it was good for an entrance. There was an amazing guy doing balloon animals, an egg hunt (lots more candy and money too!) and a great big jump house. I was standing outside of it, watching the kids run around and making sure no one got hurt. I looked to my right momentarily and all of sudden...POW! I got clocked in the eye brow by the flying cranium of four year old boy through the side wall of the jumpy. I fell to the ground, while the four-year old kept on running! T ran to me to see if I was OK. I was tearing up and trying to get my composure back before anyone noticed. As soon as T saw my face, he announce to all in the jumpy, "SHE'S CRYING!". Sheeeesh. Shhhhhh. Don't tell everyone. I'm fine. Well, then he spied cake and off he went to get a piece before it was gone. I made my way through the backyard crowd of parents and kids to the bathroom to check out my wound. But was occupied. Well, I thought, "no one looked at me weirdly, so I'm sure it's fine." But after a few more minutes, the comments were coming, "My God, what did you do you your EYE?" OK, now I had to look. Yep. An egg. I had myself a very colorful egg on top of my left eye brow. Fitting for Easter weekend, huh? After icing it with frozen corn, I felt much better, but the damage was done. And for the next week, I had the most beautiful shades of purple over and under my eye.

Watching jumpers moments before the big "ka-pow"

My sisters S and D and myself at Easter dinner For Easter Sunday, my youngest sister, D, stuck her neck out and invited everyone to come for an early prime rib dinner. Seeing how everyone is not speaking to my dad, it was a risk to get everyone together. The day was a powder keg waiting to be ignited...and it almost was. Dad almost didn't come due to continued fighting with my siblings and mom. My sister, S, canceled last minute but was pressured to come by D (she let her know that it wasn't cool to cancel last minute and she was upset about her doing this repeatedly). But everyone (aside from my brother who refused to come) kept their cool and no fights broke out. I played a LOT of basketball "horse" and "pig" with T to while the time and keep the mood elevated. Plus, it gave a focal point for something to look at for those not wanting to talk all day. At least that was my thinking....

Last Saturday, I went to Picnic Day at UC Davis. I've gone to this event since I was 2 years old. I love the whole atmosphere of the university, the excellent parade and all the events throughout the day. And after we're tired of milling around the campus, we all go to the next town and have a BBQ at my friend's home. They live on a 20 acre farm and it's a great place for kids to play and explore. There's all kinds of animals, a pond and space to run and play. T was pretty terrified of the dogs (they have 3, including a 3 legged dog) but he learned that if you don't run, they won't chase you. I love going there and Picnic Day assures I visit at least once a year, but I hope to get back that way by the end of summer. It's a kids paradise and I really do need to nurture old and dear friendships better.

Watching the UC Davis Picnic Day Parade

The house on the farm, a rammed earth home, designed and built by M and family

Life long friends--myself and M, and also "Mom" on the farm

Fun in the shower after muddying up in the pond

Mom went with me and we all had a great time, but Dad was pretty upset that Mom left the house for a couple of days without much explanation as to why. Dad was continuously angry at Mom for various things and she needed a break. So she ran to my house for a couple of days to get away. By the time we were driving back from Davis (and didn't tell Dad we were going--a whole 'nother fight would have broken out) he had called multiple times wondering what was going on, and where were we...) Talk about stress. Now we were going to have to lie about where we were and get our story straight. Lying...just begets more lying. I hate it. But I hate fighting more.
I phoned him as soon as we got home to let him know we were home safe (but fibbed about exactly where we had been). But it was clear that the time had come to have a serious conversation between Mom and Dad. For years they have tried to get me to be their mediator and I've refused. But now I feel I had no choice. They are not getting the counseling they need. Mom refused to go. And it's getting so uncomfortable for me and my siblings... I figured I couldn't make it any worse.
I hired a babysitter for T and I went over to my parents home. I sat down and laid the ground rules: no personal attacks or name calling. One person speaks, the other listens. The other person speaks, the first person listens. Then, time for rebuttal. It went pretty well. There were tears (mom's) and apologies (dad's). They talked for 3 hours before I had to end it (my babysitter was told I'd be only 2 hours!). Clearly, my parents want to say married (each said so) and just as clearly there has been very poor to no effective communication between the two of them. There might be a glimmer of hope that things can get better. But it's just a glimmer. A lot depends on how much compromise will be coming from both sides. I think I'll buy a marriage counseling self-help book. And I just found a great 6 week session given by their health insurance on Couples Communication. Perfect.
So, life goes on. And soon, I'll be buying a new computer! How's that for a segue! Not. Oh well. I'll work on that.

T playing Tball

T is still going to Tae Kwon Do 3 times a week. He loves it. But he's got a lot to learn. He has very little coordination and he tends to wander off with his concentration. But heck. He's only 5--that's bound to get better. He can now almost do a real push-up and is getting pretty good at the punching sequences. Tball is still in full swing and we have games every Saturday morning until mid June. The coaches are so excellent--there are 3 fathers that have lots of great skills to pass on and are so patient with the kids. They are all getting so much better, week by week.

I'm doing so well for T in getting him plugged in and active, but am failing with myself. I have to find a way to get a regular workout out in. I wish I could swim with the local Master's group, but that just doesn't fit in to my life the way it is. I can't leave the house in the early morning and I can't swim at 6 PM since I need to get T and make dinner every weekday. I could do weekend workouts, but if I can't get to the pool at least once in the week, I won't ever get past the beginner "I'm in so much pain" stage. Plus, I don't want to take those weekend hours away from T. (I know... excuses, excuses...) If I could just drag myself out of bed at 6 AM, then I could do a video workout while T is still asleep. But so far, I haven't found the energy to do that. I also am tempted to join the YMCA. It's nearby and I've found that quite a few of the kindergärtners families are joined. That way T would find others that he knows while playing at the pool or in the child care (while I get in a workout!). I just have to figure out if I can afford it for the long term. Working out at home would be cheaper.

No running, and still searching for balance

Such a bummer. I had to drop out of the Relay race. My left calf hasn't improved too much. I'm not limping any more, but the minute I start to run, the pain comes back. I guess I strained the muscle or something.
Not only do I feel like a loser for not being about to be a part of our team (AGAIN!), but this has put a big damper on my plans to improve my body/mind/health. Not to mention the possibility of re creating a better looking body for the fast approaching summer days when I want to wear shorts, or (gasp) a swim suit. Maybe a video and some hand held weights will be enough to smooth away some of this cottage cheese stuck to my thighs.
It's a never ending battle, and I will Never Give Up! :)
A very valuable lesson I learned from years of speaking with women candidly and privately in the exam room about things that really matter: we all share so many commonalities. No one has a perfect body. And even if it appears to others as if they did. They still worry about it. We all do. ALL of us are very aware of our imperfections. No matter what age, ethnicity, background, socio-economic status, we all worry about the same stuff. Some people more than others. Through all these similarities, even though we may look very different from one another, we are all sisters. Connected in our sameness but special in our uniqueness. Nuff said. Group huuuuug.
Me?
I want to care enough to be motivated to do good for my body and health but not be obsessed with it that it puts me on the side lines, keeping me from enjoying life.
Balance. It's everywhere.

Doing it all, and suddenly overscheduled!

I'm better now. I stopped eating corn chip scoops at 11PM and whadda ya know?? I dropped 2.5 lbs. I guess I really am human and my body works predictabley like most everyone else. Huh.
Last Sunday T and I went to a birthday party for his kinder classmate. It was held at a nearby Tae Kwon Do gym. And weirdly, the owner and master there was the husband of my previous medical assistant I used to be blessed to have at my prior clinic in ob/gyn. It's a small world. (She showed up at the end of the party and we got to catch up.)
The party was fun. Watching all the kids kick and chop the heck out the air while giving their best and loudest "Hi- awwww!" was so entertaining. They even got to kick at a board and break it in two pieces. Just the stuff of real super heroes!! But while I was there, watching how they were being taught to reply with a loud and clear "Yesssir!", bowing before and after entry to the mat, and listening and obeying the master, I thought "What a good thing for T to do." He really seemed to enjoy it all. By the end of the hour he was rosy cheeked and all sweaty around the temples.
The next day T and I went back so he could take a one hour free lesson with the other kids (all younger than 10 years old). He seemed to really get into it, although his coordination needs some help. But that's just one more good reason to consider a commitment to this.
And commitment it was. I signed up that day. After the first month of "free" lessons, you have to sign a contract committing to pay for the next 11 months. T can go up to four times a week. It averages out to $84 a month over a year. But then I learned the belt ceremonies will cost me too. And the professional photos (not that there's any obligation to buy, but you know I'll buy at least SOME of them). Mom said she would bring him there on Wednesdays and Fridays and I'll bring him Mondays. Saturdays are more a fun/exercise day but I think once T-ball finishes we'll be doing that too. Unless summer YMCA basketball conflicts with that schedule. And to think I was hemming and hawing at $50 a month to join the YMCA for access to exercise to me (and also stuff for T to do). Goes to show, when it's for T, money is secondary. When it comes to me....well, I'm way at the bottom of the list. Or am I even on the list?? I think I better work on my balance of that a bit. Or I'll soon be suffering and not able to be the best that I can be. And get depressed and well, you can probably see it's not a path anyone would enjoy or savor. It's a mother thing I think. Or at least, it's common among mothers.
SHEESH. At first I felt like I wasn't doing enough extracurricular activities to expose my boy to some fun and educational experiences (especially as compared to what other parents do with their kids). But now, suddenly, we're scheduled for SOMEthing just about every day. And how can swim lessons and music lessons (he wants to try the guitar or piano) fit in??
Oy. One step at a time. I think we've got enough for now. In June we'll reassess how much time we have.

Drat it!

It's been almost a week now, and I still can't run thanks to the pain in my lower left calf. Dammit. My training is going to pot!
PLUS!
I'm up FIVE POUNDS on the scale! I hate that scale. It rarely gives me good news. Sure, I'm not perfect in what I eat, but I haven't changed a thing in the last whatever. I'm certain it's my hop-along half thyroid. Dam-dam-dam! (yes, I know it's misspelled. I'm mad, but not mad enough to actually swear. I save that for when I'm REALLY mad. lol)
Now I have to make an effort in curbing the crap I put in my mouth (often dark chocolate and whatever else passes for sweets around 3PM everyday). The ironic thing is that when I put more effort at being "good", I end up eating more because I'm thinking about it too much!
Ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. I can't stand this outofcontrol feeling. My weight control "baggage" is showing. I'll try to calm down, hold on, breathe, and be busy...until my next TSH blood test in 3 weeks.
I wish I had right thyroid lobe back.

Ugg. An Injury. But Oh! The School Play!

So, big bummer for me. The last few minutes of running along that creek trail I felt this sort-of cramp in my lower calves. I slowed up and even walked for a minute. But I forged ahead and ran--because I was nearly done AND T was too far ahead to let him get any further with my going too slow.
I was kind of limping the rest of the day but felt like a couple days of rest and stretching would do the trick.
But today, I'm still pretty sore in the left lower calf, but fine in the right. I don't know what it is, but it seems like just a couple more days will allow it to heal itself. Time. Something there just isn't a lot of. I have to get this body in gear in 4.5 weeks!! Hopefully I'll be OK doing an exercise tape without running today. Maybe Thursday or Friday I'll be able to run without any trouble.
On much happier news...yesterday T performed in his first play! By total luck I happened to have the day off (since I work this coming Saturday) and so I was able to watch the 9:30AM show PLUS the 7PM evening show. There were 3 different shows, given by 3 different kindergarten classes. All were based on favorite children's books. (We have 6 kinder classes--the other 3 classes will do their performances today). T's class did a new play called "The Incredible Book Eating Boy". T didn't get to be the lead (in fact, it was a girl that got that part--probably because she can muster an attention span unmatched by any boy in class). But T did his parts very well. He spoke loudly enough and his actions were exaggerated and exuberant! During the first show he spent most of his time looking around the audience for me. But after giving him hints on where to look for me next time, he found me right away and played his parts for his most special audience member--me! Plus his Oma and Opa were there too. He was SO excited to show off how well he could do everything. All the shows were so great! It's amazing what the drama teachers can do with all those kindergartners--123 of them! Of course I video taped every moment--of all three shows. T loved watching them later on the big TV.
Certainly, when the girlfriends come around, many (MANY!) years in the future, these tapes will be valuable ammunition, uh...priceless memories to share.
Having kids. School plays. Video taping special moments.
THIS is just what I signed up for when I dreamed of what my future family would be like.

Doin' It Together

Due to no energy or motivation, or whatever...I hadn't worked out since last Wednesday and suddenly it was Sunday morning. I needed to do something or it would be a week gone with only 2 workouts completed. So, I hoisted T's bike in the car, got my running gear on and we drove to the creek trail (about 5 miles from our house). This trail is well used by anyone looking for some quality time outside to walk, run, or ride (a bike). There are beautiful wild flowers, a paved path with a par course, a creek along side the path and a kid's playground with a bona-fide merry-go-round (the kind you push yourself and then jump on for a dizzying ride). Those are harder to find due to potential injuries to the kids (and law suits to the city), I guess. T was totally jazzed to run with me, but he wanted to run too. Ug. That was hard. To convince him to ride along side me, while I ran. But he was OK as long as he got a chance to run at some point along the trail. I thought we'd go 15 minutes out and then turn around and make our way back--where the super-cool playground would be waiting for us.
It went great! T did ride a little too far ahead, but he learned to wait for me every here-and-there. He also finally mastered the rule of riding on the right side of the trail and to use his little bell to warn walkers that he was going to pass them. He also loved to stop at the par course stations and attempt to do whatever exercise he could make up with the rings or bars that were there. Half way through our run he gave his bike to me so he could run too. T did great as I ran along side him (while pushing the bike). But T is more a sprinter than a distance man. He had to take a few walking breaks to catch his breath. Part of me wondered if this was normal 5-year-old capacities, or was it that he needs his asthma inhalers everyday (instead of just during the times he gets a cold). I'll have to ask the pedi next time we see her.
Then we ate our lunch (brought a packed lunch from home--PBJs and fresh strawberries) and played on the playground. T, who's not shy at all, tried to talk and engage with some of the kids on the grounds, but no one would talk back or go along with the make-believe games he was trying to create. He didn't seem phased by it, but it sort of saddened my heart that he wanted to play with ANYONE but none of the kids would join him. Maybe they were shy or uncomfortable with strangers, but I so hoped he could find someone to connect with. It's hard to be an only child with no other kids to play with at home. Mom is OK but another kid is definitely choice #1--as long as Mom keeps close by as the required audience. It would be cool to have two kids in the house. For me and for T. I wonder if a girl or a boy would be a good idea (knowing full well how much energy typical boys have). Or a child that's older, the same age, or younger than T. Hard to say what would be the best fit for the adopted child and our family as it is, or could be. Plus I have to remember the finances. As a single parent I really like the choice to be at home 3 days a week to spend as much time as I can with my child(ren), but be able to live comfortably on a 4-day-a-week paycheck.
Just dreams. Something to think about. And who knows...anything could happen. But, I digress....
I really loved running with T riding his bike. He gave me something else to focus on besides the minutes ticking by and my pounding heart. And POOF! A half an hour running was done. Lovely. Plus, T gets the message on how important and fun exercise is--even "growing-ups" do it. I think we'll do it again next weekend!

Still running...

OMG, am I sore! I ran on Monday and again yesterday. Yay for me. It's SO hard to get started. Only when I've been running for about 10 minutes do I truly know that I'll be exercising that day. I hem and haw the whole way up to it. I have to MAKE myself DO IT. Good thing I have this race to motivate me--or I'd surely find no time to get my gear on and go. I plan to run 3-4 times a week, starting with 23 minutes and then increase by 10% each week. That's what has been written in all those running advice columns I found yesterday. I surfed the Internet yesterday to self diagnose this sharp pain in my right knee cap. I've had it with any running I tried to do for the last couple of years (hence, very little running was done!) . From my understanding, it's patellar-femoral syndrome. Either I need orthotics to prevent over pronation and/or it could be due to weak quadracepts (TOTALLY possible...no, very likely) or could be aggravated by the fact that I generally run on the road on the right side. There's always a bit of a canter or slope on the side of the black top and that might make the patella slide slightly off-center, creating pain.
So yesterday, I concentrated on running on only flat surfaces and making an conscious effort to hit the pavement with my feet as straight as I could. And guess what?? No pain. Yay. I was so afraid this pain would stop me from training and then I wouldn't be able to race. I still have to work on quad strength, so I plan to do squats and isometrics to strengthen my legs. Hopefully it will all come together and I'll be doing really well by the time the race starts on May 2.
Today I'll try a little ibuprofen and some stretching. My poor muscles are accustomed to hybernation rather than the wake up call I've thrown at them. Poor babies. But....a little pain, a little gain.