Thursday, March 19, 2009


Not all is sunny and rosy in life...but we deal.
The biopsy came back, finally, after dad had the growth removed from his bladder. It was cancerous, mostly low grade but a few spots of high grade cancer. Basically he's fine but lucky the cancer gave early warning signs (blood in the urine) and he was able to have it removed before it went traveling. So now, he'll have regular check ups to take a peek inside the bladder. This cancer tends to come back--so he'll probably have to have this procedure done again at some point. But it seems like the urologist sees this a lot and as long as dad gets regular visits, all should be fine. But dad SO did not appreciate that device that went looking inside his bladder with no valium or anesthesia on board, so he'll be really nervous the next time the doctor comes at him with that tool.
As for the state of the family since the Christmas blow out, that's pretty much not changed. My dad still has not had any communication with one of my sisters (I have two) or my brother. In fact, my brother and father likely won't ever patch things up--neither is willing to make the first move. My other sister has called a couple of times and inadvertently spoken to dad (who answered the phone) and made nice chit-chat but really didn't talk about anything related to the argument. Perhaps that relationship could mend, given some more time. Mom is still on good terms with all her kids, to her knowledge. But mom and dad still don't get along too well. It's best when they live parallel because neither has the patience for the other. It's a bummer after 48 years of marriage, but their problems started 20+ years ago and have continued to grow, due to no effective communication and very little in common (aside from their house, its contents and their children/grandkids). At least there has been no more physical violence, but I notice the emotional toll and mental stresses in them almost everyday. They have to figure it out for themselves. I can't help them (although dad seems to think I can do wonders, and if only I would say things to others on his behalf...). Sigh. I can't. I've tried, but I just can't. Dad has gone for counseling twice, but has given up since "she tells me things I already know. I don't need to pay for that." Mom has yet to experience counseling. She thinks it will label her as a "mental patient" and has big hang-ups on psychiatry and counseling in general (although can see how it can help others immensely). I'm stuck in the middle. I can see everyone's point--all quite valid. But no one seems to truly understand and accept the other's perspective. At least everyone is still talking to me, but with an environment this charged, anything could happen. If only they could be civil about it all, agree they don't get along and part ways. Then split up their stuff and try to find a bit of happiness. Maybe living apart is something to consider--a little space might be the ticket. But family get-togethers would be contentious. Maybe. Depends if anyone can find true peace and happiness with the changes. Or if the gatherings would be used to strike out and express, uh.....frustrations. Oh, who are we kidding? Family events are suspended for the forseeable future. Until all this crap either gets buried alive (only to rear its head later) or gets dealt with in an adult, mature manner there will be no multifamily BBQs. The former method is generally the one most often chosen.
Heavy sigh...


Billy said...

Sorry to hear about your dad's growth being cancerous. Glad they caught it on time, and hope it never comes back (or at least will be caught again early enough).

And I do hope things get better in your family soon!

Care said...

I'm glad that your Dad's symptoms allowed the doctor's to catch the cancer early. And I'm sorry to hear about the tension and rocky relationships in your family. I'm a "fixer" - and always find it very difficult when things happen that have no easy fix, like repairing relationships.